Stretchy Pants - A Torrid Love Affair
Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was absolutely petrified of leggings. Society had told her to fear the words (and fabrics) NYLON, SPANDEX and LYCRA.
She had been told horror tales that stretchy pants were for the seriously uncool and unfashionable, only to guest star in the comfort of your own home or at the gym. She couldn’t possibly fathom wearing leggings as pants. OH THE HUMANITY!!
Until one day, she stumbled across a pair of leggings. These glorious leggings whispered of fantastic times to be had. The siren call was too irresistible, and our unlikely heroine tried them on.
The revelation was instantaneous. The silky smooth strands of synthetic fibers wove magic around her legs. Her legs shimmied at she strutted down the street. It was as if the clouds had parted, the sun was smiling down on her, the birds were singing, and everything had fallen into place. Angels were heard weeping in joy as they strummed their little harps.
Society was shocked. They screamed and yelled ‘leggings are not pants!’ They begged her to reconsider. But she flipped society the bird. With a toss of her hair, she pranced away with her leggings, never to look back again.
She embraced the nylon, just as the nylon embraced her (and her butt)
And they lived happily – and fashionably – and comfortably – ever after!
Now if THAT wonderful fairy tale didn’t sway your decision to wear nylon, perhaps these reasons will!
*1. Ultra fast drying time! Nylon dries fast. Last week I got caught in a storm. Luckily for me, I was wearing a pair of leggings. They dried pretty quickly while my poor friends shivered and soaked in their wet jeans for hours. Poor little denim clad kittens.
*2. Travelling! Now, I don’t know about you, but I like to pack my entire wardrobe…even if it’s just for a weekend! As the Scout’s motto goes ‘Be Prepared’ - I am prepared for every single season, and every single fashion situation. Because YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN OR WHO YOU MIGHT BUMP INTO!! My extensive nylon collection can be rolled and bundled into the smallest of bags, leaving more room for souvenirs and duty free goods!
*3. Super convenient for those stubbly moments! Can’t be bothered to shave your legs? NO PROBLEMS!! Chuck on a pair of leggings and just head straight out! Showing off your legs, without showing off your stubble!!
*4. Comfort! I can now go to my all-you-can-eat restaurants, and endure long road trips without having to unbutton my jeans. I can lounge about, cross my legs, do cartwheels (badly), and jump around without having to adjust! Absolute bliss!
*5. Fits all body types! Nylon is all about the bass. And the treble. And everything in between.
*6. Consistency! Have you ever worn a pair of jeans fresh from the wash? Ever done the ‘jeans dance’? I have hopped, jumped and wriggled far too much in this lifetime. And then when you’ve worn your jeans a few times, they start getting baggy and loose. WHY YOU NO STAY THE ONE SIZE, JEANS?? At least I can rely on my trusty leggings to always stay the same shape and size, no matter what!
*7. Printing! Prints look incredible on nylon! The colours! The brightness! The vibrancy! It’s like high definition tv, but on your body. Your curves, in 3D high definition. Niiiiiice!
*8. Versatility! I can go from gym, to shopping, to a night out in the same leggings! Not recommended if you’re a sweaty betty, but it CAN be done!!
*9. No ironing! PRAISE THE SYNTHETIC GODS! Less time on chores, more time to look and feel fantastic.
*10. My butt! I actually HAVE a butt. This, my friend, is a miracle. I have curves! The hips don’t lie, my body is in actual fact, a wonderland. Nylon has magical properties that hold you in and lift you up. Quite possibly more supportive than your best friend. In fact, nylon is NOW your new best friend!
You cannot resist the nylon temptation. Get on your legs. Get it all over your body.
Want your own happily ever after? Wrap yourself in Wild Bangarang and prepare for battle! What will your war cry be?